12/15 morning going into noon

Well, in an hour at 11:30 I will start walking to the Doctors. It is around 5 degrees out. Since I found out that the extra paper work for the food stamp office was suppose to be turned in monday I know the stupid black bitch will again denie the claim. I called left a message with her and her supervisor telling her first I told her at the beginning no car or bank account and that bailey went to murdock school. She requested information I got that ot her 3 days late and nothing about baileys birth certifcate was on it or were he went to school was on it. But did tell her no car or bankaccoutn. So she canceled it and the reopened it and then asked for this bullshit. Now that it is late again she will denie it and who knows what it will take to get it going. I called again asked for adifferent caseworkerandno one answers or calls back so they gaveme the phone number of the supervisor over them all and I gave the info and asked for acall back none. Then stupid jodi found out i have been dening Maci calls as scott is in jail because of her and the bull and I dont wanted it started here. So she wont walk to the doctors with and then to the store. So I amnot going to get any food at the store she can kiss my ass. I am so tired of tring to make everyone happy I dont care anymore. I am so tired of it all. I am tired of beingat everyones mercy. So now will beoff to the doctor nocoat and I dont feel like even walking now. Am tired of it all I hate my family so much I dont know what I am going to do.  Anyway snow is coming in and I hope it takes us all out and then I wont have to worry no more

12/14 tues almost 12/15

Third stage no stage it just isnt getting any better. the foodstamp bitch finally set the letter with things she wanted. Most of it I dont have like car registration stupid bitch knows I dont have a car and things like that. Baileys birth certificate which I have to go pay for. So I was going to try and get there tomorrow it has been to cold to walk without a coat. Well, I just found out it was suppose to bein my monday. So now I have to call the bitch and tell her I have it and see if she wants to start all over. I swear if she does I want a different case worker. Anyway I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow with the doctor I was diagnoised with fibermygia in 1990 now at that time he was a pretty good doctor. Well why I wanted to see him was because the doctors atthe health clinic are quakes. It has taken me three months to get to see him as he only comes once every few months. I just want himto make sure they donttryand changemy meds and the amount I get stupid stupid people. Of course now my arms  are bothering.  And the last few days I have been thinking and meditating on things and I think I am simi depressed. But hell why not cant pay the rent on time if at all  cant pay any other bills have to have food. Love my daughter but when she lives here and I finally realize if anyone lives  with me it over whelms me and I stop doing everything just the mimum and things go into a downward spiril. Which is how I missed this dam deadline on the food stamps and everything else. I want Bailey to stay with me I can do better by him but then I want him to be with his mother.  Decisions like this arent easy to figure out. I dont how this week is going to playout but you can just bet it wont be good. So this day is over and the new one started and I dont know anymore than I did yesterday

12/8/10 humday humty hump day

Well, it is humpty hump day and started off the pits as usual. Now I am paying everything here rent cable interenet phone food etc. Now the food stamp bitch has screwed it up and until the paper gets in the mail cant get it striaghten out. So no food. Then I will be 160 short on rent until monday. But, I cant do any more than I can. A special angel friend sent me 200 from over seas I dont know what I would do with out her. I wish I could do something special for her. Well, I have been going to cut back on cable but didnt get it done soon enough so am going to have to do it today. Jodi was running her mouth. Because I texted her friend ed and asked if he could loan me 160 until monday and she said not to aske her friends but dam she lives here and doesnt bring a dam thing in her.Anyway now we have no laundry  soap she uses to much for each dam load and no dish soap and no food I wonder what she thinks we are suppose to . She wont go applie for the last unemployment even though they will have to send her a new dam card she hasnt  callled about anyof the jobs she supposedly applied for. But she wants to run her mouth how I run my life. My life would be a lot easier if she would get out. She has it made she has a place to lay her head I should have stood my ground and not let her move in but I knew she was homeless any way what the hell. That is what you get for being nice. Anyway I am going to see what I can do I am going to keep the internet and then my cell phone which is all I need anyway. And see if I can go down to basic cable with dvr. Then go from there. I just people will let me do that and work with what I have and I cant do christmas she is bitching about bailey but isnt doing nothing about it. Everyone else is suppose to help her. Anyway today is going to be the pits as she is going to be hateful all day. Oh well  she can go to hell with her dad they belong together  another long day