12/14 tues almost 12/15

Third stage no stage it just isnt getting any better. the foodstamp bitch finally set the letter with things she wanted. Most of it I dont have like car registration stupid bitch knows I dont have a car and things like that. Baileys birth certificate which I have to go pay for. So I was going to try and get there tomorrow it has been to cold to walk without a coat. Well, I just found out it was suppose to bein my monday. So now I have to call the bitch and tell her I have it and see if she wants to start all over. I swear if she does I want a different case worker. Anyway I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow with the doctor I was diagnoised with fibermygia in 1990 now at that time he was a pretty good doctor. Well why I wanted to see him was because the doctors atthe health clinic are quakes. It has taken me three months to get to see him as he only comes once every few months. I just want himto make sure they donttryand changemy meds and the amount I get stupid stupid people. Of course now my arms  are bothering.  And the last few days I have been thinking and meditating on things and I think I am simi depressed. But hell why not cant pay the rent on time if at all  cant pay any other bills have to have food. Love my daughter but when she lives here and I finally realize if anyone lives  with me it over whelms me and I stop doing everything just the mimum and things go into a downward spiril. Which is how I missed this dam deadline on the food stamps and everything else. I want Bailey to stay with me I can do better by him but then I want him to be with his mother.  Decisions like this arent easy to figure out. I dont how this week is going to playout but you can just bet it wont be good. So this day is over and the new one started and I dont know anymore than I did yesterday

12/8/10 humday humty hump day

Well, it is humpty hump day and started off the pits as usual. Now I am paying everything here rent cable interenet phone food etc. Now the food stamp bitch has screwed it up and until the paper gets in the mail cant get it striaghten out. So no food. Then I will be 160 short on rent until monday. But, I cant do any more than I can. A special angel friend sent me 200 from over seas I dont know what I would do with out her. I wish I could do something special for her. Well, I have been going to cut back on cable but didnt get it done soon enough so am going to have to do it today. Jodi was running her mouth. Because I texted her friend ed and asked if he could loan me 160 until monday and she said not to aske her friends but dam she lives here and doesnt bring a dam thing in her.Anyway now we have no laundry  soap she uses to much for each dam load and no dish soap and no food I wonder what she thinks we are suppose to . She wont go applie for the last unemployment even though they will have to send her a new dam card she hasnt  callled about anyof the jobs she supposedly applied for. But she wants to run her mouth how I run my life. My life would be a lot easier if she would get out. She has it made she has a place to lay her head I should have stood my ground and not let her move in but I knew she was homeless any way what the hell. That is what you get for being nice. Anyway I am going to see what I can do I am going to keep the internet and then my cell phone which is all I need anyway. And see if I can go down to basic cable with dvr. Then go from there. I just people will let me do that and work with what I have and I cant do christmas she is bitching about bailey but isnt doing nothing about it. Everyone else is suppose to help her. Anyway today is going to be the pits as she is going to be hateful all day. Oh well  she can go to hell with her dad they belong together  another long day

Dam it is to early for this

This is Houdini and his sister  Lucy looks just like him that is why the red necklace

and this is my sweetie Herman and his sister is Sassy

I can not believe I have been up since 3:30am and it is 5:30am now. I just couldnt sleep could be because I am in pain all over especially my arms and shoulders and dont know why. Of course since the all mighty FDA as decided to make Eli Lilly pull Darvocets off the market who knows what I will be able to take or afford for the pain. I hate this. Then of course I found out that my son was talking to the kid that isnt his but no dna done I told him not to talk to her as the other grandmother is a trouble maker. Well, cops picked him up on failure to appear on child support. But no DNA done. Guess I need to call the civil liberity union on his rights for the DNA being done. Anyway he wouldnt listen so there is nothing I can do. It is warm here now 61 degrees  and raining here. Better than cold as I have no coat. Anyway, Jodi and her boyfriends mother is standing in line for a turkey and fixings. Now they will be standing in line from 4am until 8:40am when soup kitchen opens and then a couple hours to get through the line. Me no I am not standing that long I mean  that would just about kill me to stand that long. I thought 2hours killed me I wouldnt beable to move if I did that. And it pisses me off anyway as we were going to cook here and it would be me jodi and Bailey. Ohno she and bailey are spending wednesday night at her boyfriends mothers house and having thanksgiving there and wants to come get me to eat dinner there. I dont like these people and I would eat and want to go right back home. No I will cook my own dam turkey and fixings and have it with me an the animals and when they come home they can warm it up but I wont eat with them. I am tired of coming in second to these dam people. Anyway, need to take a feww more papers to the food stamp people to add bailey. As it is now I am getting 200 that will help me. Just doesnt pay the dam bills. Anyway will try to post more here every day as I really do need to let things go.

*Sigh* Double *Sigh*

It is hump all ready. It has been a week I can say that. Been to the doctors office was sort of waste but then again it was ok. Walked to Pre. Church to get help and they were closed until to day so walked on downtown and had a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop. Then walked home. Paid my rent and gave him the paper from the Salvation Army. That is the last help I can get for 12 months. Don't you just love it. Today I think I am going to the pres. chruch again. but I really dont want to have to stand in line.  Because I have to be at the foodstamp office at 2 to get the mess they made cleared up. It has been so nice out it will be around 70 today. Then my nieghbor who is my friend is mad that jodi has been staying here. But she cant be alone after those seizures and it isnt like she is moving in. But, after all it is my house and I pay the rent. I dont know if she made she is going to have to scratch her ass and get happy.Just because you help me alittle doesnt mean you can run my life. I am really tired of people I just want to have a little piece. Anyway better eat before I leave it is going to be a long walk and by the time it is done I will be hurting pretty bad.

Kickin and Screaming

Well, the time has been moved back a
hour. What a pain in the butt. I have a lot to do this week. Of course, now my friend diane is pissed off because jodi and Bailey were at each others thoarts and she heard it all. But, I am paying the rent and I have to do things I think I have to do. I like it that some people think they know more how to live our lives but us. Believe I aint thrilled but things are what they are. I am a doctors appoint tomorrow. Have to go to the Salvaiton army and Prest chruch and have to get a new id and Bailey has  a doctors app and of course got to go to the food stamp office and a few other things. Have been trying to give myself a perm for the last to weeks. Want to cut my hair as soon as I get that done. I am not having a good time like I should. I am g oing to try and get my job back at aloric since the company the purchased is now the company there. Dont think they will but who the hell knows I would like to go back to work but dont know if I will or not. Anwyway have to get the rent paid then get ready to pay the next rent and two other bills. Always something. Be nice to have help just once. Anyway had a said day as one of the kittens got caught in the rocker recliner and died. Bailey took it hard. So now we have the Black Mama Hallo's eve and then two little blacks and two grey with black strips. it has been a eventful weekend any way I need to start entering more in this journtal so will be back tomorrow

Wishing for something bad to happen how wrong is that

I knew taking Bailey in would probably cause me a lot of problems. No it isnt him. It is his mother.  She wasnt to stay here and if she stayed a night or two no boozes. (Right)
She has gotten to be a friend of a friend and knowing the years and knowing that the friend is a full blown alcohlic as the guy that it was a bomb about to happen. Well, it happened but I am being blamed because I called to tell her about a gift given to Bailey and the one friend was to have brought jodi home and it had been an hour. Anyway jodi went off  and is telling Bailey she is taking him to his dads(someone he hasnt seen in 4years more than twice) She is trying to hurt me she is hurting him. She is laying on the floor watching tv and is trying to sleep drunk. I know this is wrong but I wish she would have another seizure to stop her from hurting Bailey. I know this is wrong but I dont know how else to help Bailey. She doesnt care about Bailey just that she hates me. And God Help me but I am at the point that I am close to hating her too. I mean it is just to much for me to deal with her and her drinking and hate filled person. And I dont like what it has done and is doing to Bailey. I dont know I am hoping she just doesnt take Bailey. It is wrong but I dont see how anything is going to happen unless she has a seizure. I just dont know what else to do. Does it ever end. I doubt it.

Another month down and another coming

 

It is November already which hard to believe I can hardly remember October. It starts the month with being short on my dam rent again. I cant seem to get everything under control. I know if you start out behind like I did begin with it will be hard to catch up. But, things are the way they are. I think the one move I made in the last two years were I at least moved in and even though had it hard was a littel easier was Union street of course that place was sold so CVS drug store could build a big new store that wasnt needed. Anyway I do love this flat even with the hills. And now I can try and take care of my grandson. If I dont who will. Oh well I guess that is my lot in this world. I look back at this time last year and I was working and was at the other house and everyone was living with me and not contributing and now here I am again in a new place and struggling to get a hand up so that I can get a budget going. But, how do you do that if you cant get it even and you are always struggling to get paid what needs right now. Oh well if doesnt work out I will have to move again and there is no money for that. Oh well didnt mean to start this month whining about what is now a common situation. So will get up and get another cuppa and see what I can accomplish today. Have a great month as another month is following.