2.17 futurelearn

17. Futurelearn Ideas for a Story

The light sound of jazz played in the background. Making it easy not to think of past or future things. As the girl sat at the table by the window in the neighborhood coffee shop,slumped over the table with a notebook and pen, and a large set of keys writing and sipping on her Styrofoam cup filled with coffee. At first glance she looked like most of the patrons in the coffee shop, but then if you looked closer she had a bemused look look like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. The notebook was open in front her and every once in a while she would jot something down. She glanced around the coffee shope at the other patrons. There were a couple of men having a meeting at the next table with their papers and ceramic coffee cups she would look over at them as their voices rose and fell as though their very being was better than what she was thinking. Glancing at the notebook she was scribbling in two words Black Sheep Black Sheep over and over. She sat there as the coffee shop emptied out. She bent over the notebook wrote something real quick then leaned back in the seat , took the last sip of her coffee. And as the waitress took her money and if she could have read the last line of her notebook she would have seen. “You should have been the boy and he should have been the girl”.

She was heading out to the old home place were gran wouldnt be there and the memories would be. Seeing her younger Brother and Sister made her sick to her stomach after all these years. Getting a coffee to go she didnt quite get to the coffee shop's door before she grabed a seat and by the window and set stariing out of it with the words “You should have been the boy and he should have been the girl” whirling around in her mind with so many thoughts sticking to them.

The first time that Micky remembered hearing that she should have been the boy she was 12 and Seth was 6.Micky couldn’t even remember what action made her parents or grandparents say this. They just said did. And after that first time, they said it a lot over the years.. But, again It wasn't said in a mean way, in fact it was thought to be funny. Ha, Ha! Who knew it was taken to heart by two kids and would effect thier view of each other as adults. Even though Seth said he didn’t remember it being said. But, he denied having a typical family so what did he know. He always had selective memory about thier lives growing up.

Thinking back to that statement Micky, thought that was probably when she was she started being branded the Black Sheep of the family. Of course, she also remembered hearing later on that she got all the bad traits of both sides of the family. Now isnt that a nice thing to say to a kid of any age. But, was it the first statement or maybe both statements that made her who she was inside, or who they weren’t and could never be that made her the Black Sheep

b

James Blunt - Bonfire Heart [Official Video] Fanstatic

Enjoy whart a great singer and a great song

Broken Walls - Nia:Wen

Dancing skelton

Something to enjoy this saturday

12/15 morning going into noon

Well, in an hour at 11:30 I will start walking to the Doctors. It is around 5 degrees out. Since I found out that the extra paper work for the food stamp office was suppose to be turned in monday I know the stupid black bitch will again denie the claim. I called left a message with her and her supervisor telling her first I told her at the beginning no car or bank account and that bailey went to murdock school. She requested information I got that ot her 3 days late and nothing about baileys birth certifcate was on it or were he went to school was on it. But did tell her no car or bankaccoutn. So she canceled it and the reopened it and then asked for this bullshit. Now that it is late again she will denie it and who knows what it will take to get it going. I called again asked for adifferent caseworkerandno one answers or calls back so they gaveme the phone number of the supervisor over them all and I gave the info and asked for acall back none. Then stupid jodi found out i have been dening Maci calls as scott is in jail because of her and the bull and I dont wanted it started here. So she wont walk to the doctors with and then to the store. So I amnot going to get any food at the store she can kiss my ass. I am so tired of tring to make everyone happy I dont care anymore. I am so tired of it all. I am tired of beingat everyones mercy. So now will beoff to the doctor nocoat and I dont feel like even walking now. Am tired of it all I hate my family so much I dont know what I am going to do.  Anyway snow is coming in and I hope it takes us all out and then I wont have to worry no more

12/14 tues almost 12/15

Third stage no stage it just isnt getting any better. the foodstamp bitch finally set the letter with things she wanted. Most of it I dont have like car registration stupid bitch knows I dont have a car and things like that. Baileys birth certificate which I have to go pay for. So I was going to try and get there tomorrow it has been to cold to walk without a coat. Well, I just found out it was suppose to bein my monday. So now I have to call the bitch and tell her I have it and see if she wants to start all over. I swear if she does I want a different case worker. Anyway I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow with the doctor I was diagnoised with fibermygia in 1990 now at that time he was a pretty good doctor. Well why I wanted to see him was because the doctors atthe health clinic are quakes. It has taken me three months to get to see him as he only comes once every few months. I just want himto make sure they donttryand changemy meds and the amount I get stupid stupid people. Of course now my arms  are bothering.  And the last few days I have been thinking and meditating on things and I think I am simi depressed. But hell why not cant pay the rent on time if at all  cant pay any other bills have to have food. Love my daughter but when she lives here and I finally realize if anyone lives  with me it over whelms me and I stop doing everything just the mimum and things go into a downward spiril. Which is how I missed this dam deadline on the food stamps and everything else. I want Bailey to stay with me I can do better by him but then I want him to be with his mother.  Decisions like this arent easy to figure out. I dont how this week is going to playout but you can just bet it wont be good. So this day is over and the new one started and I dont know anymore than I did yesterday

12/8/10 humday humty hump day

Well, it is humpty hump day and started off the pits as usual. Now I am paying everything here rent cable interenet phone food etc. Now the food stamp bitch has screwed it up and until the paper gets in the mail cant get it striaghten out. So no food. Then I will be 160 short on rent until monday. But, I cant do any more than I can. A special angel friend sent me 200 from over seas I dont know what I would do with out her. I wish I could do something special for her. Well, I have been going to cut back on cable but didnt get it done soon enough so am going to have to do it today. Jodi was running her mouth. Because I texted her friend ed and asked if he could loan me 160 until monday and she said not to aske her friends but dam she lives here and doesnt bring a dam thing in her.Anyway now we have no laundry  soap she uses to much for each dam load and no dish soap and no food I wonder what she thinks we are suppose to . She wont go applie for the last unemployment even though they will have to send her a new dam card she hasnt  callled about anyof the jobs she supposedly applied for. But she wants to run her mouth how I run my life. My life would be a lot easier if she would get out. She has it made she has a place to lay her head I should have stood my ground and not let her move in but I knew she was homeless any way what the hell. That is what you get for being nice. Anyway I am going to see what I can do I am going to keep the internet and then my cell phone which is all I need anyway. And see if I can go down to basic cable with dvr. Then go from there. I just people will let me do that and work with what I have and I cant do christmas she is bitching about bailey but isnt doing nothing about it. Everyone else is suppose to help her. Anyway today is going to be the pits as she is going to be hateful all day. Oh well  she can go to hell with her dad they belong together  another long day

Dam it is to early for this

This is Houdini and his sister  Lucy looks just like him that is why the red necklace

and this is my sweetie Herman and his sister is Sassy

I can not believe I have been up since 3:30am and it is 5:30am now. I just couldnt sleep could be because I am in pain all over especially my arms and shoulders and dont know why. Of course since the all mighty FDA as decided to make Eli Lilly pull Darvocets off the market who knows what I will be able to take or afford for the pain. I hate this. Then of course I found out that my son was talking to the kid that isnt his but no dna done I told him not to talk to her as the other grandmother is a trouble maker. Well, cops picked him up on failure to appear on child support. But no DNA done. Guess I need to call the civil liberity union on his rights for the DNA being done. Anyway he wouldnt listen so there is nothing I can do. It is warm here now 61 degrees  and raining here. Better than cold as I have no coat. Anyway, Jodi and her boyfriends mother is standing in line for a turkey and fixings. Now they will be standing in line from 4am until 8:40am when soup kitchen opens and then a couple hours to get through the line. Me no I am not standing that long I mean  that would just about kill me to stand that long. I thought 2hours killed me I wouldnt beable to move if I did that. And it pisses me off anyway as we were going to cook here and it would be me jodi and Bailey. Ohno she and bailey are spending wednesday night at her boyfriends mothers house and having thanksgiving there and wants to come get me to eat dinner there. I dont like these people and I would eat and want to go right back home. No I will cook my own dam turkey and fixings and have it with me an the animals and when they come home they can warm it up but I wont eat with them. I am tired of coming in second to these dam people. Anyway, need to take a feww more papers to the food stamp people to add bailey. As it is now I am getting 200 that will help me. Just doesnt pay the dam bills. Anyway will try to post more here every day as I really do need to let things go.

*Sigh* Double *Sigh*

It is hump all ready. It has been a week I can say that. Been to the doctors office was sort of waste but then again it was ok. Walked to Pre. Church to get help and they were closed until to day so walked on downtown and had a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop. Then walked home. Paid my rent and gave him the paper from the Salvation Army. That is the last help I can get for 12 months. Don't you just love it. Today I think I am going to the pres. chruch again. but I really dont want to have to stand in line.  Because I have to be at the foodstamp office at 2 to get the mess they made cleared up. It has been so nice out it will be around 70 today. Then my nieghbor who is my friend is mad that jodi has been staying here. But she cant be alone after those seizures and it isnt like she is moving in. But, after all it is my house and I pay the rent. I dont know if she made she is going to have to scratch her ass and get happy.Just because you help me alittle doesnt mean you can run my life. I am really tired of people I just want to have a little piece. Anyway better eat before I leave it is going to be a long walk and by the time it is done I will be hurting pretty bad.

Kickin and Screaming

Well, the time has been moved back a
hour. What a pain in the butt. I have a lot to do this week. Of course, now my friend diane is pissed off because jodi and Bailey were at each others thoarts and she heard it all. But, I am paying the rent and I have to do things I think I have to do. I like it that some people think they know more how to live our lives but us. Believe I aint thrilled but things are what they are. I am a doctors appoint tomorrow. Have to go to the Salvaiton army and Prest chruch and have to get a new id and Bailey has  a doctors app and of course got to go to the food stamp office and a few other things. Have been trying to give myself a perm for the last to weeks. Want to cut my hair as soon as I get that done. I am not having a good time like I should. I am g oing to try and get my job back at aloric since the company the purchased is now the company there. Dont think they will but who the hell knows I would like to go back to work but dont know if I will or not. Anwyway have to get the rent paid then get ready to pay the next rent and two other bills. Always something. Be nice to have help just once. Anyway had a said day as one of the kittens got caught in the rocker recliner and died. Bailey took it hard. So now we have the Black Mama Hallo's eve and then two little blacks and two grey with black strips. it has been a eventful weekend any way I need to start entering more in this journtal so will be back tomorrow

Wishing for something bad to happen how wrong is that

I knew taking Bailey in would probably cause me a lot of problems. No it isnt him. It is his mother.  She wasnt to stay here and if she stayed a night or two no boozes. (Right)
She has gotten to be a friend of a friend and knowing the years and knowing that the friend is a full blown alcohlic as the guy that it was a bomb about to happen. Well, it happened but I am being blamed because I called to tell her about a gift given to Bailey and the one friend was to have brought jodi home and it had been an hour. Anyway jodi went off  and is telling Bailey she is taking him to his dads(someone he hasnt seen in 4years more than twice) She is trying to hurt me she is hurting him. She is laying on the floor watching tv and is trying to sleep drunk. I know this is wrong but I wish she would have another seizure to stop her from hurting Bailey. I know this is wrong but I dont know how else to help Bailey. She doesnt care about Bailey just that she hates me. And God Help me but I am at the point that I am close to hating her too. I mean it is just to much for me to deal with her and her drinking and hate filled person. And I dont like what it has done and is doing to Bailey. I dont know I am hoping she just doesnt take Bailey. It is wrong but I dont see how anything is going to happen unless she has a seizure. I just dont know what else to do. Does it ever end. I doubt it.

Another month down and another coming

 

It is November already which hard to believe I can hardly remember October. It starts the month with being short on my dam rent again. I cant seem to get everything under control. I know if you start out behind like I did begin with it will be hard to catch up. But, things are the way they are. I think the one move I made in the last two years were I at least moved in and even though had it hard was a littel easier was Union street of course that place was sold so CVS drug store could build a big new store that wasnt needed. Anyway I do love this flat even with the hills. And now I can try and take care of my grandson. If I dont who will. Oh well I guess that is my lot in this world. I look back at this time last year and I was working and was at the other house and everyone was living with me and not contributing and now here I am again in a new place and struggling to get a hand up so that I can get a budget going. But, how do you do that if you cant get it even and you are always struggling to get paid what needs right now. Oh well if doesnt work out I will have to move again and there is no money for that. Oh well didnt mean to start this month whining about what is now a common situation. So will get up and get another cuppa and see what I can accomplish today. Have a great month as another month is following.

Bald Eagle Music Video "This Is America" (AEF)

Brings tears to my eyes. Americans have forgotten what we were built on. People need to Stand up and be counted and not let us be destoryed by the outside world

Fools, ignorant's and everything else inbetween

Finally, the week is over. It has been physically, mentally exhausting. Thursday I couldnt bear to leave the house. And took three naps I just was beat and so was my poor body. Today, did some more walking which my legs dont seem to really like doing and then messed with the bus system. Went to K-mart as Jodi wanted to get Baily his Halloween costume got the bus there just fine. But you would thing the bus would come right back to the same spot. Well it does except it stops at the side of kmart and the one that stops at the front doesnt go downtown at all it goes into a big big circle. And of course we didnt find this out until we made the complete round trip talk about pissed. Then it made us so late we had to get off the bus a block and half from school and had to cut across the park without sidewalks. Now I dont mind it but I still dont feel good. Then I get home and the food stamp office gave me the wrong paper. Instead of the change of address and add people papethey had me fill a brand new app. Now when they called to verify the information to set up the interview. I advised her it wastn a new case it was a transfer from one county to the next and change of address. She then sent me the stupid interview date for new cases. Called her again and she said I had a open case here. Said now I had open in crawfordsville and I was transferring and more crap. Couldnt get hold of the case worker so monday I am walking down there and it will be strenghten out for sure. Now my lappy is going down something to do with the windows app and I am in the safe mode with networking hopefully this will do until I can get it fixed so today has been a fools day I am afraid

Groan, Groan, Sigh

10pm and I have figured since Saturday morning I have walked around 10miles and I am tired. After taking Bailey to school I came back to the house and then left and went to jodi's. We then went to down and changed food stamp info and applied for medicad. Then went to the social security office and they couldnt find my ex's name so In have to go back with his ss#. We went back to jodi's and then to work one so I could help her with her resume ex. Then we walked to her doctor's appointment. We set there from 2:30pm until 6:30pm. And then he looked at her and told her having seizures wasnt good.(ya think) and since they are only allowed to referral to outside sourses and they had met thiers they dont know how they will get her in to see a nurologist. so actually the doctors appointment was totally useless. If you have no insurance or money forget getting help.
We got home at around 7, BA was jumping all over and the cats were all over the place. I forgot to uncover the birds so had to do that for a few hours then recover them. So our little routine was blown and that isnt good at this point. I dont know Jodi will be homeless friday because of the slumlord.But, she will stay one week with a friend and then we shall see. But, I just cant let her come here or it would be a repeat of the past few years and I just cant go through that again. I feel bad butttttt I just cant.
Tomorrow I plan to stay at home and do what hasnt got done for the past few days. I am really tired and have walked until I cant walk no more. Anyway I get my flu shot on the 25th so then I will see if I have lost anything. But, I am to tired to think of that tonight. I did get some good pictures today. Tried to get a picture of a little woodpecker but my zoom wasnt strong enough but still it was a good day. hugs to all

Can it get any earlier?

It is now 8am. I made the mistake of getting up to go pee and BA decided he wanted to go out. All  find and dandy until a early morning jogger went by and he had to go spastic and not finish is business. So he comes in and we go back to bed. And kept hearing things and barking his fool head off. So , I am up and you got it he is asleep in the chair. I am going to goose him in a minute.  And I am so tired.
My exSIL finally showed up yesterday around 1:30am. So after waiting around most of the day. We got started. She did bring me a vaccum cleaner of hers and she gave me her stereo as it is only a cd changer and she cant get the cassette part to work. And She did get a good buy on a five cd changer at Big lots for $55 and it was an RCA so we are both happy. I will up grade later. And as a house warming gift she bought me a set of dishes which was nice and some food storage containers.  Landlord's son came by and finally paid the rent. I think is dad has been sick. Anyway that is one worry off my mind.
We went to Wally world and I exchanged my camera batterie charger and lets see if I can work this one right. Might be nice to read the instructions. And then we went to Brookston which is a town 7 miles away and got some Meat. Let me say they have the best meat around and have a lot of good buys. I got about 27 lbs of meat for around $2.50 a lb. And I do love thier meat. We left there and went to Aldi's discount food store. Got quite a few things I needed since I moved. Got salad things but for some reason thier veggies and fruit werent as good as usual. We then went to Steak and Shake to get something to eat. And the chicken fingers were so dry and some were like sponge, we got one meal free and then they are giving one gift card for the other. Usually I get a steakburger. That will teach me to change. After that we went to Big Lots. Then we picked up my grandson Bailey. (long story will go into someother time when I know ) It took us time to unload. And put away. Of course BA was having fits as he was alone for a few hours. Got to sit down and relax for a while ended up going to bed at midnight and couldnt sleep as for some reason my muscles in my upper arms and shoulders were killing me. Looks like it is going to be along day and I am already tired. So it is early and I am tired. So dont know if I am going to make the church dinner Jodi wants me to go to. Might make them come get Bailey and I will stay home dont know yet. It's to earlier to think of it.

Busy Day maybe

Well have been here one week and two days. It does feel weird being alone and not working my life around other people. BA is doing better. Very spoiled that is for sure. Mama cat Hallo is doing better and so are the babies. I havent really named these like the last time but they are not as distintively marked. Two are black like her and two are grey with black stripes. They are cute of course.
Hopefully I am suppose to go to the store in a little town away from here. Just outside of here but it has great meat and pretty good prices. So I dont get to go there often. My ex-SIL is coming supposely she might have had a mild stroke the other night. Actually I think she is taking to much insulin and she needs to get another doctors opinion. Anyway she is bring somethings down like a vaccum cleaner and she is giving me her one cd radio stero as she wants to buy the 5 changer stero at Big Lots. I want to go to Wally world and take my camera battiery charger that doesnt work so I can take some pictures. And there are a few things I want to get.
Actually, I have only been outside the flat once this week. Went with pearl to dollar general but I did need a broom. Other wise I havent left just didnt feel like it. Well I had better call SIL just to make sure she is coming. Maybe this will be a good day after all

Toss Turn might as well get up

I have tossed and turned all night. I went to bed at 11:30 got up at 1:30 and took BA out then stayed up until 3 and tossed and turned until 4:15 got up and decided to put the shower curtian up that I got yesterday then went back to bed and got up again it is 5:15 might as well stay up.
exSIL is coming today and I have a appointment with Salvation Army thanks for help from Play. Now I can't remember for the life of me what time I am suppose to be there. Called and left a message and she hasnt got back with me. Anyway am going to get some groceries been trying to not use the food stamps until I got to got to the store I want to go. Did go to the Dollar Store (not dollars anymore) and had to get me a broom and dust pan and can opener and the all mighty shower curtain. Of course I had to bet Doggie Food. I did get some spices 2 for $1 cheapest thing there.
I am sleeping on a bedframe and box springs. yes, it is hard. Then my daughter's ex boyfriends mother found a mattress in a yard and brought it over. My friend that help me move and lives in the back apt. help carry it on the side porch she said it smelled like dog and if people threw it out there was a reason. She said you might as well go out and buy a new one.(she has no clue) I said if I had the money I would but that aint going to happen and pearl knew this and was trying to help. I am having my sIL look and smell it and see what she says. Anyway, I know I should be happy I am here but for some reason I am depressed and yes waiting for the other shoe to fall it always does. well think I will go get a cup of coffee because if I go to bed now I will feel worse when I got up. Now I am getting sleepy.

One step

The 23rd of Sept and this time last year Ihad moved into another house and had a good job. And now I am moving again. Because I did get the 550 deposit. But and this is a big but dont have octobers rent it is what it is.

I got my pain meds on the 13th and Jodi has left me 17 I will be glad to get out of here.  Anyway I now need to find a bed and a chair and a kitchen table. i have lost everything. No towels and washrag or nothing. anyway one step is better than none   gues 

2am and just plain bull shit

't It's 2am and can't sleep. I swear it just never let's up and I can't put this on my other blog it would depress to many people and make them feel uncomfortable. Steph and Scott will probabley wont get her kids back. CPS crooked asses that they are will give them to her ex not because he loves the kids and does for them. He is in the army has money not saying he hadnt seen them in a year and when he was here he only spent an hour with them because he was parting. But that she bitch of a judge had her ass kissed a lot. Don't know how bad this is going to go down. They should catch him out and I am sure there is bog to put him in.

Talked to the landlord of the apt I want but there is know way I can get 550 for the deposit. It will hard just getting the 550 for the dam rent. I dont know I guess I am not suppose to have a home. Looks like will have to put BA down. And the next person that tells me to pray I am going to smack. Like the God they talk about is going to help me. Sure and I believe I have gold in my shoe. My sister in law could help but she wont. I dont know I am sick to death of the whole dam thing and that is saying alot. Have to move cant keep being with Jodi but since I cant get this place dont know what I am going to do. I should try to sleep Jodi will be home tomorrow and she will have a hang over so the day will be a bitch. I hate people and I cant stand having to deal with them. Yes, there is a God, but is back has been turned on me for along long time. And I doubt if there is anygoing back. So the bullshit continues and the hate rises up and that is the world according to Sheryl